I'll Be Good
by RoyalInBlue
Summary: Katsuki's been struggling for a long time about things he's said & done to his oldest friend. With graduation looming, time's running short to make things right.


Katsuki Bakugou woke up in a cold sweat. His alarm read 4:06 in the morning, and the first rays of sunlight were starting to pierce the night sky, streaks of virulent orange contrasting against the fading stars. Below the skyline, it was still dark as night, buildings shrouded in a blanket of shadows. He took in another breath, feeling himself shake just a bit, and not because his window was open.

 _If you want a quirk so damn bad, just throw yourself off of the roof and hope you get one in the next life!_

He closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. That sentence, along with a few other choice phrases he'd yelled at Izuku over the years were starting to eat into his dreams. He'd never really apologised for them, and now that graduation was looming on the horizon, it wasn't going to be easier in future to get around to that.

Honestly, he'd regretted saying that the minute it had left his stupid mouth, and he hadn't stopped. Every time he saw that little nerd he found a wave of self-loathing rise up in him, bitter in his throat like bile. Maybe he shouldn't ask for a forgiveness he didn't deserve, he'd think to himself every time. Even if Deku was so quick to forgive, he knew that he didn't deserve any kindness, seeing the hilariously small amount he'd ever shown.

True, these days he'd found himself mellowing out. Hanging around with people who didn't mindlessly feed into his toxic superiority complex turned out to be incredibly good for his mental state, even if it had hurt for the change to come through. Years of fighting and yelling and by god all the swearing that transpired, Katsuki didn't even want to think about it, but it had culminated in someone who was still pretty jaded and sardonic, but no longer actively malicious towards anyone.

He still wasn't comfortable around Midoriya, but that was changing slowly. Maybe a little too slowly for his liking, but maybe that had more to do with his perfectionist tendencies. One day he was gonna be the closest goddamn friend Izuku ever had. He was the best at being a friend, damn it! He felt himself waking up further, a tired grin coming to his face as he eased himself out of the U.A bed. He hadn't changed his room in any way, unlike SOME others. He'd found Todorokis room eventually and considered burning it all down just because it was all so _pretentious._

He looked himself over in the mirror. The good thing about his hair was that he never had to worry about bed-head, seeing as that was his default hairstyle. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, splashing his cheeks and jawline with cold water, waking himself up further. He knew he wasn't getting sleep now, so he might as well prepare for the day.

Slipping on some decent clothes, including a jacket and extra woolly socks, he silently padded out his dorm room, taking care not to wake anyone else up. There was a curfew in place that he was currently breaking, yes, but Katsuki had long since discovered that it was more honor rule than anything else, and as long as he didn't bother anybody he was free to do stuff like this, as long as he didn't leave the campus.

He walked slowly, watching as the sun rose higher, starting to illuminate the land below. He decided to head up to the rooftop, taking the stairs. If you were able-bodied, he reasoned, stairs were the only viable option. In the past, he'd almost tried to blow up escalators, only stopped by some desperate friends reminding him that some people did indeed need them to get places. He closed the door to the rooftop behind him, laughing softly as he recalled the stupid things he used to find infuriating, from certain kinds of music to certain kinds of dogs. Yeah, he'd fly into a rage at anything.

He wandered to the edge, leaning over the railings as a cool morning breeze blustered, tousling his ash-blonde hair gently. He breathed in deep, leaning back and starting to stretch. A coffee would solve the sleep problems, but only exercise would stop him feeling stiff as a two by four come the afternoon. He stretched all the muscles that he could think off, before standing tall once again. The sky was now more orange than black, the last star not quite gone yet, blinking down at him softly. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, a fact that made him very glad to have remembered a jacket.

For a while, he found himself lost in thought. He would have stayed that way until the day started proper, had he not heard a door open behind him, feet shuffling through too gently to be anybody but Midoriya. He didn't need to turn around, waving casually. He heard feet moving softly until Midoriya was beside him, leaning over the railings the same way he was, something Katsuki would have loved to point out, but right now, he had other things on his mind.

"Morning, Deku."

"Morning, Kacchan. Have you been up long? It's only 5:30 right now, we're the only ones up."

Katsuki looked over at him. His cheeks were reddened by the chill morning temperature, and he hadn't had the foresight Bakugou had, a t-shirt his only protection against the cold. If the goosebumps running up and down his arms were any testament, it wasn't doing much for him. Bakugou smiled softly, before that familiar feeling welled up within him, bringing back a lot of memories he wished he didn't have.

"I'm… fine. Why are you up so early? The sun hasn't even risen yet, I always had you pegged as a heavy sleeper. Something on your mind?"

Midoriya blinked, unable to speak for a little while. Something Katsuki didn't mind. Izukus soft, slightly round face and angelically wide eyes were nice to look at, the dusting of freckles that refused to leave his face giving him a youthful quality even as the pair were on the verge of adulthood. Definitely a face he didn't mind looking at as he waited for a response.

"I-I… You've been up longer than me, Kacchan! Anyway, it's just… nightmares. Sometimes I get them, and… I don't want to go back to sleep for a while, you know? I just have to hope that tomorrow night's dreams are nicer."

At this, Katsuki frowned, looking away as shame took place of self-loathing.

"Do any of them… have me in them?"

The question was more easily asked than he thought it would be, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them, silently cursing himself. The cat was out of the bag now, and he could barely stand to look at Izuku, opting instead to look at the ground beneath them. It was a fair drop, something that reminded him of a particularly horrible thing he'd said a few years ago.

"Oh! No, no, really! It's mostly just… just the sludge monster, and- and the villains we've fought, like that portal guy, you know? I don't dream about you, bakugou!"

Izuku had always been a terrible liar, and saying his actual name only made it more obvious. Katsukis frown deepened as he closed his eyes, drawing breath through clenched teeth. He knew it. He'd hurt Izuku bad and hadn't ever tried to make up for it. How could he have allowed himself to think he'd changed if he couldn't do something like that?

He turned around, leaning his back against the rail and looking Izuku in the eye once again. For his part, the green-haired wonder was looking at him anxiously, lips moving softly. For once, he couldn't make out the mumbling, a breeze snatching the words away before they got to him. Probably for the best. He exhaled, taking in another surprisingly shaky breath.

"Look. I did horrible things to you. Things that honestly should have ruined my career as a hero permanently. I did things to you, said things to you, that no hero ever should. I beat on you when we were just kids, and there's no excuse for that. I made you an outcast in middle school, and you suffered for it so bad. I know your mother was always worried sick about you being alone all the time."

He couldn't stop himself now, a tear slowly moving down his face as the words just fell out, pent-up regret and shame forcing its way out. He felt stupid saying all these things now, but he knew that this was the best time he could, now that he'd squandered so many opportunities in the past. Midoriya looked on the verge of responding, but he pressed on, not yet ready to be forgiven.

"And then… just before we came to U.A, I said… I did- I told you to do something unforgivable, something you'd never be able to take back. I n-never meant it, though! As soon as I'd said it I wanted to take it back, b-but I just couldn't, I just wasn't the man I thought I was, I was a stupid, arrogant, rude, _disgusting-_ "

He would have continued his self-deprecating rant for a while had ne not been very handily interruped by Izuku jumping forwards and wrapping his arms around Katsukis waist, burying his face into the larger boys chest and speaking, words muffled through clothing.

"Stop! Please Kacchan, stop. I know you've been torturing yourself over this. Every time I showed up, it didn't matter how you were, you'd always get really quiet and look away from everyone. They all thought it was just your regular dislike of me, but… It's been so different ever since you calmed down for good. I really forgave you for it years ago, and even though I still think about it, and… dream about it, but that doesn't mean I hate you!"

Now the both of them were softly crying, Katsukis arms encircling Izuku and holding him close. He'd known the forgiveness was coming, but after letting his raw emotions out, it was so comforting to him to know that Izuku didn't want to cut off contact with him, and so he just sat there as the sun finally broke over the horizon, warmth finally seeping into the cool air. Not quick enough, so it would seem. He felt Izuku shiver softly, hugging Katsuki closer, if that was even possible. Katsuki smiled softly, cleaning his eyes of tears and slowly removing Izuku from the hug. Not that he didn't want it to go on, mind you. Unfortunately, others would soon be waking up for their morning routines, and he didn't want people wondering what he and Izuku were doing on the roof.

Still, he felt a little bad seeing Izuku like this. He quietly shrugged off his jacket, draping it over the smaller boys shoulders. The cold nipped at his bare arms, but he didn't mind it. Izuku looked up at his wide-eyed, quietly drawing it around himself like a blanket, not bothering to thread his arms into the sleeves. Probably for the best, he'd probably be unable to get more than his fingers through them and that was far too adorable a sight for this early in the morning.

After some more silence, they turned away from the sunrise and headed back towards the door. Just before they would enter back into the dorms, Izuku stopped the other boy, looking down at the ground.

"Hey, Izuku? ...Thanks. It really does mean a lot to me that you'd apologise. I really did forgive you for it a long time ago, but seeing you come so far is really great to see, and I'm glad you were able to do it."

He smiled, a full grin for the first time today. God, but that smile was difficult to look away from. Bakugou smiled, rubbing the back of his head. He didn't really know what to say, and he doubted he ever really would, but that wasn't too important right now. So he nodded, opening the door and waiting for Izuku to walk in before he followed. It was now officially a new day, and he felt a lot better than he had in a long time.

Izuku grinned at the floor. Katsuki wasn't getting this jacket back for a long time.


End file.
